Mental Strength

As a runner, I have found that I generally have a strong will to push myself. At least, that used to be the case.

Many in my Run University run group were expecting to participate in the Philadelphia Marathon in November 2020. We had a large group planning to go to the City of Brotherly Love and then the Covid hysteria hit. Races for which runners in our group were training started being moved or canceled. The Philadelphia Marathon was one that became a casualty of the panic.

Because so many were training for working toward various events and had logged a lot of training miles, our coach, Danny, organized some challenges so we would have a way to put those training miles to use and remain motivated during a tough time. We completed a 6-Hour Challenge in September on a paved trail at Black Creek Park in Fultondale where everyone covered as many miles as they could or as many miles as they wanted over six hours. We then did a 13.1×2 Challenge in October in downtown Birmingham where we ran the half marathon distance on Saturday and returned on Sunday to do it again in the opposite direction. A few weeks later in November we ran the Un-Marathon Challenge where we ran a 26.2-mile route around and through downtown Birmingham. These challenges kept us motivated and gave us something to work toward while everything was shuttered.

I was running very well during this time and set what I considered a big goal at the 6-Hour Challenge to complete 30 miles. I finished with 30.05 miles on my watch. For the 13.1×2 Challenge, I wanted to run hard both days and ran 1:46 on Saturday followed by 1:50 on Sunday. These were the fastest times run in our group for both days. I was very pleased with these times because my PR in a half marathon is 1:41. The last challenge, the Un-Marathon, whipped me. I caught and pulled ahead of the leaders on the 1st Avenue North viaduct around the halfway point and got far enough ahead that I could not see anyone behind me until I got back near Railroad Park with about 3-4 miles left and that is when the wheels started to fall off. With less than a mile to go, Megan and Brian caught up to me after stalking me for a while and then ran ahead of me. My time was not too bad for me at 4:26, but I felt like I had been hit by a truck afterwards. I laid down in the back of my car for several minutes and then moved to the front seat. When I felt like I could make it all the way home, I left. Once I got home, I took a shower and crawled into bed and got under the covers, which I never do. It took me a couple of days to start feeling normal again.

Sorry for the long back story, but I wanted to set the stage for the message I want to convey. I am not a complainer so most people never know when I am hurting or not happy. I tend to be an optimist because I try to appreciate the good things in life and realize tough times will pass. I do not generally dwell on negatives.

For the past several months, though, I have experienced more struggles while running than I historically have. I have had more days than normal where I get to a run not really wanting to be there that day. Once we start running, I will get into a rhythm and be glad that I came to run. In general, I have just felt a bit off with my running and it has not been a physical issue. Historically, I can push through pain or struggle whether it be climbing a hill or finishing a long run. In recent months, I find it too easy to take walk breaks even when I am not necessarily finding the run to be hard. I just default to walking hills or walking during a run when I get a little hot or tired. I realized this morning that I have lost my mental strength as a runner.

I am not sharing this to get sympathy. To make it clear, I am not injured. I am just trying to share what I am currently dealing with so others who may be struggling with something similar know it happens to everyone. I do not have any answers yet but I will not stop getting out to run every day. As I mentioned before, I still feel the joy of completing a run when I finish. I just need to find a way to reframe my mindset so I can get back to pushing myself and not be so quick to take the easy options. I think the first step is to be vulnerable and share what I am feeling so others can help me be accountable.

I am confident i will get back to where I usually am in regards to mental toughness. Maybe I just need races to return to a sense of normalcy so that I have a target on which to focus my efforts.